Living in the Land of In-Between 2

Living in the Land of In-Between; How to survive the days while you wait on His Promise

I find myself living in between life and death lately, and the stark contrast has moved my heart in ways I didn’t expect. Recently, I had the pleasure of holding a newborn baby in my arms. I took a deep breath of her sweet smell and thought about how pure she was. I prayed for her life with lots of faith that her destiny would be full of God’s promises. Her parents and I rejoiced over her new life and the New Life it will bring to their home! I honestly believe that their lives will never be the same again. It was a very sweet moment for me and I felt privileged to be a part of the beginning of this new life!

On the other hand, this past week my Dad has been really struggling with dementia. He is grappling with some news he received about the passing of the last of his circle of friends from his hometown. He feels alone and doesn’t understand why God hasn’t yet taken him. He cries daily for my mother to “come get him”. Watching him fail, physically, mentally and emotionally has taken quite a toll on me. I can see his pain and frustration and I feel a lot empathy for him.  But I also sense that perhaps his time isn’t up because he simply is not ready.

Oh, he thinks he is ready but I know that he isn’t ready spiritually. His faith in his church suffered a huge blow over the scandal of priests and abuse. He stopped tithing and attending mass. He even went so far as to refuse the priest’s request to visit with Mom when she passed last year. This is why I know he is not ready—because he only sees God through circumstances and the actions of people. He is looking at man and letting the actions of men set his view of God.  Man failed him, his children failed him, and thus, he sees God as failing him.

It’s a funny thing cause it’s the very same thing I did. I “saw” God as being like my Dad, who—when I was little—was a very harsh task-master. It was difficult to please him and get any sense of acceptance from him, and I let that spill over into my view of God. But God has been very good to me and in His great loving kindness, He worked to heal that section of my heart that harbored those lies—that false and warped image of God hidden in my heart. So I know that God can heal my Dad’s false and warped image of Him. And though Dad may not have a lot of time left here on earth, all that matters is where he will spend eternity, forever. So, I continue to trust God that He is faithful to the end and I can wait on His promise for my Dad’s salvation.

So today I am praying for life; a new life, one full of promise and hope, innocent and pure, undefiled, and an old life, one full of sadness and regret, weary and defiled by years and years of pain and pride. Psalm 23 is my cry. May the Good Shepherd watch over both these sheep and give each one what they need today.

I’m Lu Allison and I’m still “in-Between” but I am moving forward! Join me on my journey.